Apple Picking!

Yesterday was a beautiful Fall day so we decided to go apple picking.  We packed the kids into the car and expected Canaan to take a nap during the hour long drive.  He didn't.  The lack of sleep didn't seem to bother him though and we all had a great time.

Canaan and Daddy picking apples

Nevaeh showing off her apple

Eli picking apples!

Canaan looking cute

Proud of all the apples they picked

My beautiful family :)

Eli enjoying his apple

Nevaeh enjoying her apple

Nevaeh sharing her apple with Canaan

Making Apple Crisp

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Enjoying the apple crisp!

Who knew what a hairstyle would do.....

Sunday nights are hair nights in our house.  Tonight Nevaeh had her shower and sat down so I could do her hair.  I was in the mood to do something different so I decided to try Bantu Zulu knots.  Damen and I thought it came out adorable, but I don't have any pictures because...well...she hated it.  By the time I was finshed it was after 8pm, and since she has school tomorrow I sent her to bed and told her I would change it after school if she still did not like it.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal.  She wasn't upset, she just said that she did not like it.  She went to bed, but about 10 minutes after tucking her in we heard her crying.  We went in to check on her and it turns out she does not like the hairstyle because her hair is so different from her friends at school (we do not live in a diverse area) and she ended up saying that she wants to be white like us.  She wants skin like ours and she wants hair that stays "down and flat all day" (her words).  She's afraid that people will laugh at her hairstyle or won't be her friend because she looks different than they do.  Throughout the rest of our conversation the topic of her birthmother came up.  I told her how beautiful her Ethiopian Mommy is and that she looks just like her.  We have picture of her Ethiopian mother and she really does look just like her. 

I heard Eli in the top bunk trying to quiet the sounds of his crying and I asked him what was wrong.  He said that he couldn't tell me.  He was so upset.  It took about an hour but he finally told me what was wrong.  I promised him that I would keep it between me and him, so I will just say that it had to do with missing his family in Ethiopia.

My heart is breaking for my kids tonight.  I am proud of them for sharing their feelings with me.  It was hard for them.  I questioned writing about this on the blog, but I know that other adoptive families read this and if this helps another family, then it is worth it.  Blogs I read have talked about the mixed emotions that their kids have about their adoptions and it has helped me.  It helped me tonight.

It was hard to know what to tell them.  I thought we were doing a good job of helping them be proud to be Ethiopian American.  To be proud to have brown skin. 

I was very torn about sharing this and possibly breaking their trust if they found out, but these feelings are very real and very deep, and very confusing to a lot of adopted kids. It is important for people to realize that kids that were adopted as young babies and toddlers can and do have these types of emotions about their adoptions. My kids are well adjusted, but there is a part of them that is missing that they will never be able to have, and they felt that raw emotion tonight. I can never tell them about the day that they were born.  I can never understand what it is like to look different than most of my family and friends.  I don't understand what it feels like to have other kids always asking me if the people that don't look like me are my parents...and then looking at me really confused when I say yes.  My kids (and many others) deal with this everyday. 

As a family we get double and triple looks when we go out.  A white couple with three brown skinned kids, yes we get a lot of looks.  I am there to protect them from the looks and idiotic comments most of the time, but they are getting older now and I am not always there anymore.  They are in school, church school, playdates, baseball practice, etc. and I cannot always protect them.  They understand when people say right in front of them that they are "lucky" that they are out of Africa and adopted.  Well, they were not feeling really lucky tonight.  We don't want them to think that they are supposed to feel "lucky".  Was it luck that they lost their first parents?  Was it luck that they have lost their native language?  Was it luck to have lost their culture..the sounds... the smells....the traditions?  I don't think any of that is "lucky".  They have lost so much in their short lives.  I wish people would just stop and think before they speak.  I do not want my kids to feel "lucky" to have what every single child on this Earth should have...a family, food, a safe place, and to know what love feels like.  All three of my children have gone without these basic things in the early months of their lives.  Damen and I are the lucky ones that were chosen by Him to parent these brave, courageous, strong children.  I wish people would realize that, instead of dwelling on my kids being "lucky".  I hate that phrase when it comes to adoption, I really do. 

I know that this got a bit rambly, and I apologize, but the emotions my kids displayed tonight brought out a lot of emotions in me.

This was an emotional night in our house tonight.  I am expecting that those of you who read this will respect that these are very personal feelings that the kids are having and will not try and talk with them about any of this.

Been a long time....

Sorry it has been such a long time since my last post. Merveille is home! He came home on September 3 and he is adjusting really well. We have decided to keep Merveille as his middle name (like we kept Eli and Nevaeh's Ethiopian names as their middle names) and we have named him Canaan Merveille P------. 
This past month has just been a whirlwind. Canaan came home on a Saturday. On the next Tuesday Eli started first grade and Nevaeh started kindergarten. I homeschooled Nevaeh for preschool so this was her first experience being away from me for several hours every day. She was very nervous about going, but she is doing great and loves school. She has the same teacher that Eli had last year.

Damen was able to take two weeks off from work when Canaan came home. This was great because it gave them time to bond, and I had strep throat so it was a big help to me to have him home.

Canaan seems to be adjusting really well. The first three weeks that he was home nap time and night time were just a mess. He hated to go to sleep and would cry for up to two hours before he would fall asleep. It did not seem to matter what we did-rock him, lay down with him, lay him down and rub his back. None of it worked. We never left him alone to cry it out, but nothing seemed to work. We really think that sleep time was when he would miss the people at the orphanage and that he was afraid that we would be gone when he woke up. It was definately a fearful/grieving cry when he was going to sleep. Thankfully he has been able to feel more secure and now we are in the routine of rocking in the rocking chair for a few minutes while I sing a couple of songs to him. I lay him down and give him a kiss and walk out and close the door.  He whimpers for a minute, but it is a normal toddler whimper of "if I make noise will she let me out of my crib" whimper rather than the frantic screaming that he was doing. Then he either goes right to sleep or throws the stuffed animals and pillow out of his crib and talks to himself until he falls asleep. A lot of prgress has been made when it come to bedtime!

We had a bit of a healthscare with Canaan. The skin test for TB came back positive but further testing , x-rays, and multiple doctors concluded that it was (thankfully!) a false positive. He is still congested and cannot breathe through his nose. The doctor thinks it is a strong possibility that he may need surgery to remove his adnoids in the next couple of months.

We celebrated Nevaeh turning five and six days later we celebrated Eli turning six.

Canaan enjoyed cake and ice cream..

Nevaeh earned her high white belt in Taekwondo and Eli earned his green belt.

Eli doing his form...

He broke the board doing a front kick!


Canaan discovered the dress-up trunk...


Jedi training starts young around here...

We also went to the Berlin Fair. Eli tried to walk in a giant bubble on water...

And all three kids enjoyed dancing to the band that was there...

This past month has been busy!  We've also gone to the aquarium and brought Canaan to the park.  He loved the slide and swings!  Some days are harder than others but we are adjusting to being a family of 5.  Canaan seems to really like us and each day the bond is growing stronger.  We are not sure if he understands yet that we are "Mommy" and "Daddy" forever, but we are very hopeful that day of understanding comes soon for him.  He does not seem to have much stranger anxiety and will walk off without looking back to make sure we are there. An acquaintance of mine has picked him up a couple of times (without permission!) and he goes to her without a problem. When I took him back from her he got upset. 

We believe that his attachment to us will be secured as time goes on and he realizes that he is here with us forever.  We are so happy that he is finally home with us and really cannot imagine our life without him.  It has been one month since we picked him up at the airport.  It's funny because on the one hand it feels like he has been here so much longer than that, but on the other hand we are learning more and more about his personality each day as he becomes more comfortable.

 He amazes me with the amount of courage he must have to be able to adapt to all of the gigantic changes in his life and still be able to smile and laugh...and to open his heart to us.  His affection towards us and the affection that he seeks from us is the most courageous.  It shows that he is starting to trust us and starting to realize that this is permanent.  Instead of just sitting there and crying, he now looks for us when he falls down or bumps his head on the table.  He kisses us now and runs up to us and gives a hug without any prompting.  He lays down on my shoulder when I am holding him and he is tired.  Most parents just take these "small" things for granted, but for parents that have adopted all of those things are huge steps in the bonding and attachment process.  Some friends and family members have not really understood why we have not let them hold Canaan or interact with him for long periods of time, but it's because of those things that most parents take for granted that we cannot let them.  He needs to fully understand that Mommy and Daddy will kiss the boo-boos and will lay down with him after a bad dream.  Mommy and Daddy will feed him when he is hungry and will still hug and kiss him after the tenth time he knocked over the garbage can or bites his sister. Mommy and Daddy will keep him safe.  When he fully understands what it means to have a mother and father and when he fully trusts that we will always be here, then we can let other people be more involved.  Until then, I guess people will just have to deal with it. 

Big News!

Sorry for not blogging recently, but I have a broken hand. I have a cast that covers my pinky and ring finger and goes almost up to my elbow which makes it hard to type.

So anyway, this has been kind of a crazy week. Hurrican Irene came and went leaving us without power for almost four days. Normally this would not be too big of a deal since we have a small generator for the sump pumps, refrigerator, and water, but since our escort has been in the DRC and we did not have internet or phone access, it was a bit stressful. Luckliy I was able to receive emails and text messages on my phone but cell towers were down so I could not talk on it or send repliews to the email/texts.

On Tuesday we received Merveille's VISA. This was a big deal because we had been waiting for 3 weeks. Thursday afternoon we got a text message from our case worker that she had the exit letter. This was huge news because it was the last thing needed for Merveille to be able to leave the DRC and be able to enter the USA. The biggest news of all is that Merveille and four other children will be home tomorrow (Saturday)! As I type this he is (hopefully sleeping!) on a plane to Brussels. They land there tomorrow morning. Around noon they get on a plane to Washington D.C. While there they will go through customs and our wonderful caseworker will get on yet another plane with Merveille and one other child to bring them to New York. We will meet them there and less than 24 hours from now my son will be with me.

Eli and Nevaeh are so excited to meet their little brother. They have been helping around the house to get ready for a toddler. They have gone on countless errands (which Eli hates to do) without a single complaint. They have moved all of their small, chokable toys to a place where Merveille cannot get to them easily. Yesterday they cleaned out the car of all the junk that seems to build up in there.

Damen and I are beyond excited. Today was his last day of work for the next two weeks. He worked a couple of hours later than he thought he would but when he came home we ran the last of our errands to get ready for Merveille. I didn't want to "jinx" anything so we waited until we knew when Merveille would be home for sure to get most of the things done that we needed to.

This last year has been so full of ups and downs in the adoption process. It really felt like we would take one step forward and then two steps back. It doesn't quite feel real yet that he will be in my arms tomorrow. I'm sure tonight will be a sleepness night. But tomorrow...tomorrow will be the day I have been dreaming about for the last year. Tomorrow will be the day that I meet my son.

Here are the two most recent pictures that we have gotten of our beautiful little boy:

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12 months ago

Twelve months ago I was sitting at the computer. It was about 10:30 at night and the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it was our case worker. I knew this was "the call" that we had been waiting for. With my heart beating faster I picked up the phone, said "hello", and ran down the hallway to wake up Damen. Groggily he followed me into the kitchen, having no idea what I had woken him up for. Our social worker was telling me about a baby boy that she had met during the trip that she had just returned home from a couple of days earlier. With a shaking hand I was writing down everything that she was telling me. I kept showing Damen the paper and before he would have a chance to read it I would snatch it awat to write the next tidbit of information down. Finally, Damen figured out what was going on and became as excited as I was. She wanted to know if we would be interested in adopting this baby and if we wanted her to send us his picture. Um, yes!!! We knew so little about this baby on the other side of the world. We had an age, a name, the name of the orphanage, and we knew that he had been there his entire short life, and finally after what felt like the longest three minutes of my life the email came through and we had a picutre. We looked at the beautiful boy who was going to become our son.

This little boy has been in my thoughts every day for the past 12 months. At the beginning we thought that we would have him home within nine months from his referral day. There have been delays and paperwork issues and frustration and tears. We are finally getting close to bringing our son home. We are finally counting down the weeks instead of the months until he is home.

He's changed so much in the past 12 months. We missed out on his first teeth, crawling, first steps, most likely his first words, his first birthday, and oh so much more. But I get to be his mommy for all of the rest of his firsts and I feel so thankful and blessed for that.

We love you Merveille!

Embassy interview is over!!

Today was the interview at the embassy. Everything went well and now all we need is the Visa and then Merveille's exit letter. He will be home next month!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!!

Yesterday we installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs and guard rails on his bed (Eli will be on the top bunk and Merveille will be on the bottom.) We got everything all packed for the escort to take and the package will be mailed off today. It is all starting to feel very real :) I am so happy to being thinking in terms of weeks now, instead of months about when Merveille will be home!!!!

Successful document drop-off!

Today was a pretty big day in the adoption proess. Our lawyer had to bring all of our documents to the embassy in Kinshasa to be checked over. Thankfully everything was in order and we are all set for the Visa interview on Monday! If all goes well on Monday then all that is left is to get his Visa and then his exit letter. Each can take up to two weeks to get. We are getting so close to finally bringing Merveille home!